


i love you, i love you, i love you

by shiznit



Category: The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-23 17:19:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17084471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shiznit/pseuds/shiznit
Summary: a series of unsent letters between Kit and Ty, and some moments that occured in between writing them.





	1. Chapter 1

LA institute, 2012

'Ty,' Julian called, jogging down the hallway to catch up with his brother before he disappeared into his bedroom. 'I leave tomorrow,' he said, when he reached Ty, who was patiently waiting with his hand on the doorknob. Ty frowned slightly; obvious statements never made much sense to him, and Julian didn't usually bother with them. 'I know,' he said after a beat of silence. And then after another moment of silence. 'I am okay with it, if that's what you mean. We already talked about it.'

'Yes, I know that. I was just wondering if there was anything else you wanted to talk about? I know Kit left rather suddenly and you two were close and-' Julian trailed off as Ty tensed at the mention of Kit's name. 'No. There isn't anything I want to talk about. Goodnight Julian,' Ty said, and Julian was surprised by the hard edge in his brothers voice. He didn't have time to think of a reply though, because Ty had already disappeared into his room and shut the door in Julian's face.

Later, he'd told Emma about his strange reaction, whilst she was curled up by his side that night.

'Maybe he just wasn't ready to talk about it yet,' she pointed out. 'He's gone through a lot and it would be unlike him to open up about it anyway.' Julian knew she was right, knew he probably should have let Ty approach him when he was ready rather than the other way round, but he was leaving tomorrow, and he'd wanted to make sure there was nothing left unsaid.

Emma seemed to understand this too because she said, her voice thick with sleep, 'He'll talk to you when he's ready my love, he trusts you.' Julian nodded, kissing the top of her head before letting sleep pull him under.

Devon, 2012

Kit didn't consider himself to be someone who cried a lot, and yet, when they returned to Devon via portal after briefly stopping off at the LA institute to see Ty one last time, from a distance, Kit found his cheeks were wet with tears. He'd walked quickly out of the kitchen before Jem or Tessa could ask him anything, but he knew they saw.

He'd hoped that they would pretend they hadn't noticed, that they would leave him to his misery, but a few hours later there was a soft knock at his door.

'It's open,' he called, bracing himself for a severely uncomfortable conversation. He wiped at his eyes again, hoping they weren't too red-rimmed, and tried to put on a tough looking facade. From the expression on both Jem and Tessa's faces when they opened the door, he wasn't very convincing. Tessa came and sat down on the bed beside him, just as she had when she had first asked him to move in with them, and she reached out to brush a stray tear from his face, the simple gesture of affection only causing more to spill.

'It's always difficult, leaving the ones we love,' Tessa said softly. Kit wanted to protest that she didn't know what she was talking about, that he didn't love any of them let alone Ty, but he would have been lying, and neither Tessa or Jem were the sort of people you could lie to.

Instead he found himself blurting out, 'It's not fair. None of this is fair. It's not fair that I lost my Dad, or that Ty lost his sister, and it's not fair that I had to lose him as well. I had to leave my home Tessa. I never even got to go back and get my stuff, and then I thought I could find a home with the Blackthorn's, I thought I could mean something to Ty and the rest of them and then it turns out I meant nothing.' He said bitterly. Tessa wound her arm around him. Kit was properly crying now, unable to prevent the tears from running freely down his face. He had never experienced this before, never had someone sit beside him and comfort him whilst he cried, and the accompanying sensation in his stomach was halfway between warmth and discomfort. Jem, who had been standing quietly in the door-frame came and sat on his other side and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. 'A lot of things in life aren't fair Kit, but you do not mean nothing.' Kit shrugged, unwilling to let himself believe what Jem was saying.

'He's right,' Tessa said. 'I hope that with time you can find a home here with us, too. Perhaps we still start with getting you more things to call your own?' she suggested.

Kit blinked and shifted his head to look at her. 'My own stuff?' he asked. It was Jem who answered. 'Yes. You didn't think we were going to make you wear the same six outfits forever did you?' he said, and there was a teasing undertone to his voice that made Kit smile despite himself. That, and the word _forever_. _Forever,_ and _home_. Maybe Kit wouldn't stop missing Ty for a while, maybe he would never quite get over him, but he thought he could live with that if he got to have a home here. He nodded, and Tessa smiled at him, and Jem squeezed his shoulder and Kit felt truly safe and happy for the first time in weeks. 'The first thing we're doing is getting you a haircut though,' Tessa said, holding up a hand when he tried to protest. 'Don't argue with me, you need it.'

LA institute, 2012

 

Today was the day Ty left to start at the scholomance. Like Julian, he was an organised and meticulous packer, and his suitcase had been neatly organised and ready to go long before his departure date drew near. He had to resist the urge to keep packing and unpacking everything in his suitcase, just to make sure he had everything. Dru had gone through everything with a checklist in hand when he had finished, and he looked over that checklist now to reassure himself.

He ate his breakfast mechanically that day, barely registering the taste of the food, his stomach and hands fluttering with nerves. It felt like the time passed too quickly before he was standing in front of the portal that would take him to his new life. Briefly, he thought of Kit coming to visit the LA institute and finding him missing, but he squashed that thought down and focused instead on his assembled family.  
'You ready to go Ty?' Helen asked, smiling brightly at him.  
Ty nodded, his mouth dry, and before he could hesitate he was stepping through the Portal to the scholomance.  
He was spat out in a large, sparsely decorated entrance hall. The first thing that struck him was the utter lack of people, which only served to make the space seem larger and Ty feel smaller. He could hear rapid footsteps coming from behind him, and he spun round, hand automatically going to his weapons belt before spotting a familiar green skinned warlock. One who looked more than a little disgruntled at the sight of him.  
'Shade,' Ty breathed, instantly feeling overwhelmed with regret.  
'You may call me Professor Fell, here' his voice betraying no indication that the last time they saw each other they had been discussing necromancy in a cave.  
What did you say to a warlock that had pretended to offer you help with raising your sister from the dead? Especially when they were going to become your teacher. Kit would have known what to say. Kit always knew what to say.  
But Kit wasn't here.  
Fell didn't seem to care that Ty was remaining deadly silent, instead he continued talking about dinner times, class schedules and roommates.  
'Wait - roommates?' Ty asked.  
'Yes, Tiberius, you will have a roommate. Would you like to see your room?'  
Ty nodded numbly. Deep down he knew that he would be meeting new people, and that he would likely have to share a room, but the reality of it was just now hitting him. He followed Ragnor up a large staircase that broke off to a smaller staircase before heading down a long corridor with several wooden doors. When he got to the one at the end he stopped. 'This one is yours I believe. Dinner is at 5.30 to 7.00 every night,' and with that he was gone, walking back the way he'd come.  
Ty stood where he was for a moment, before nervously pushing the door open.  
The room was completely empty except for two beds, pushed up against opposite walls. One wall was covered with postcards and pictures of people he didn't recognised, and the covers of the bed were rumpled as if it's owner had only just woken up. The window was cracked open slightly and cold air blew in, causing goosebumps to raise on Ty's arm. He walked over to the empty bed and placed his suitcase down on it stiffly. There were two desks next to the beds, both facing the window, and again, one of them was completely cluttered whilst the other was starkly clear of any mess. A movement in the corner of the room caught his eye and he turned and saw a bat hanging upside down from the corner. He smiled, despite all his nerves and walked closer to it to get a better look and figure out what species it was.  
'Are you going to be my roommate?' he asked it absentmindedly, peering up at it.  
'No, that's Alfred,' came a voice from behind him. Ty whipped around, and saw a boy, a bit shorter than Kit, with dark skin and an easy smile standing in front of him. 'I'm your roommate, Zach. You must be Tiberius?'  
'Uh, just Ty,' he replied, 'you named the bat Alfred?'  
'Yeah, it suits him, don't you think?'  
Ty glanced back at the bat, which was observing both of them imperiously.  
'Yeah, I think so.' Upon closer inspection it appeared to be a species of Vesper bat. 'It's nice to meet you,' he said quietly.  
'Are you talking to me or Alfred?' Zach said, leaning against the closet.  
Ty smiled. 'Mostly to you. But a little bit to Alfred as well.'  
Zach laughed. 'Wouldn't want him to feel left out now would we?'

Later, Zach had showed Ty the way to the dinner hall (where he had been enthusiastically introduced to all of Zach's friends) and then gave him a tour around the rest of the scholomance. As soon as Ty saw the library he realised it was quickly going to become his favourite place. He was sat there now, tucked away in the branches of the tree that grew in the centre of the room (Zach hadn't said that climbing wasn't allowed). In his hands he held the notebook Dru had gifted him a week before he left. It was leather bound and beautiful, the paper inside thick and creamy.  
'For writing case notes, or research in,' she'd explained, when he looked at her questioningly.  
Ty wasn't planning on using it for that though. He wanted to write to Kit, put down on paper everything he couldn't say to him in person. He never intended on sending the letters; he just wanted to pretend that he could still talk to Kit, tell him all the things he would have before.

He clicked his pen, and began writing.

> _Kit._   
>  _Today was my first day at the scholomance. I've met a bat named Alfred, and I have a roommate named Zach. You'd prefer Zach to Alfred, but I like both of them equally. The library here is incredible, it's so quiet, and there's a huge tree in the middle of the room. That's where I'm writing this - in the tree. I wish you were here with me, there's more than enough room on this branch for both of us._   
>  _I met a lot of people at dinner today. They all seem nice, but I wasn't always sure what the right thing to say was. I tried to imagine what you would say to them, or what I would say to you, but it was too loud to think clearly. The noise was my least favourite part, but I like everything else here._   
>  _I hope you like Devon, and that Jem and Tessa are kind to you. I'm thinking of you always._   
>  _Yours,_   
>  _Ty Blackthorn_

Devon, 2012

A few days after they returned from LA, Kit was sitting in his room, flicking through a very dry book on demon languages, when there was a knock at his door. 'Yeah?' he called, trying to appear studious and not bored out of his mind. Tessa came into the room, holding what looked like a stack of fancy paper.

'What are you reading?' she asked as she walked over to his desk. Kit held up the book and she grimaced. 'Definitely not a bit of light reading then.' Kit shook his head.

'What's that?' he asked, nodding towards the paper in her hands.

'Jem and I were talking and we thought it might be an idea for you to write to Tiberius. You don't have to send any of them if you don't want to, but it might help to deal with your feelings.' Kit was tempted to reply with something sarcastic or self deprecating, but as was often the case, something about Tessa stopped him from doing that. Plus, it wasn't a bad idea. There was a lot he wanted to say to Ty but he wasn't sure he was ready for Ty to actually hear it.

'Thank you,' he said, taking the paper Tessa was offering him. She ruffled his hair - which was newly cut, despite Kit's protests, and walked out the room, closing the door behind her.Kit considered the paper in front of him before pulling one towards him and starting to write.

_Dear Ty._

~~_I miss you. I miss you and all of the Blackthorn's. I think I will keep missing you for a long time._ ~~

_Jem says you started studying at the Scholomance already. I I hope you have an amazing time there, and the change doesn't bother you too much.  I like it here in Devon, I think there are a few mice that live in the house, I've decided to name one of them Bartholomew. I bet you've befriended at least three animals at the Scholomance already. I hope the people there are kind to you because you deserve nothing but kindness. You said I needed a haircut a few weeks ago, and I guess you were right. Tessa made me get one yesterday. It does feel better, but I couldn't stop thinking about you the whole time I was getting it cut, all because of one tiny little comment you made weeks ago._

_Will you be wearing a uniform like Perfect Diego's at the Scholomance? I'm sure you'll look one thousand times better in it than him. Not that I'd ever tell him that. Or you for that matter. I think dinner is nearly ready. Jem's a really good cook, thankfully, so I'm going to stop writing now._

_~~Love,~~  _ _Kit_


	2. Chapter two

Devon, 2012 

Tessa gave it a few weeks before she brought up the letter writing again. Jem had gone out to get the shopping, and Kit and Tessa were sitting at the kitchen table, Tessa absorbed in a book and Kit writing notes for his tutoring session. 

'Did you try writing to him?' She asked quietly. It took Kit a long moment to understand what she was talking about; his head was full of different species of demons and their typical habitats. 

'Oh, Ty?' he asked, and she nodded. 'Yeah. I've written one letter. I think it helped. Thanks.' He wasn't sure how much information she wanted from him, and he was unwilling to go into detail. 

'Good. I'm glad. Let me know if you ever want to send any.' Was all Tessa said in response, before going back to her book. She seemed to understand the invisible boundaries of what Kit was and wasn't willing to talk about, and he appreciated that. 

There wasn't a lot he didn't appreciate about Tessa and Jem. They had given him more than a place to live, they'd given him a home, and a family. Kit knew that family would be expanding before long, and he often found himself wondering whether he would be like an older brother to their baby, or whether he would be an outsider. A month ago, he might have thought the latter, but now, after being on the receiving unceasing love and warmth, he could let himself believe the former. 

He thought about Julian with Ty, or Tavvy his fierce protection and undying love for his younger brothers, and felt something tug in his chest. He'd like a brother, to love and protect as Julian did. Then he thought of Dru, of teaching her how to pick locks and involving her in his plans with Ty, and he couldn't stop himself from smiling. He'd like a sister as well, and he would _definitely_ teach her how to break into anywhere. It was a useful skill. 

Tessa looked up and caught him smiling to himself. 'What are you thinking about?' she asked, already smiling back at him. 

Kit wasn't sure how to explain to her that he badly wanted to be an older brother to her unborn child, that he wanted to be a permanent part of their little family. He certainly didn't know how to explain to them that he wanted to teach her child how to be a criminal. Instead he asked, 'Do you know the gender yet?' nodding his head towards her curved stomach. 

Tessa's smile softened, as if she had guessed exactly what Kit had been thinking (or most of it anyway), and she settled her hand on her baby bump. 'Not yet. Jem and I think we'll keep it a surprise.' 

'What's that dear?' asked Jem, coming into the house with his hands full of bags. Kit got up to help him unpack the shopping, glad to have an excuse to be away from his notes. 

'Kit and I were just talking about the baby. He asked whether we knew the gender.' Tessa answered him. 

'Ah, yes. We'll have to wait and see,' Jem said, his eyes full of love and warmth as he looked over at his wife. Kit shook his head at the two of them as he began to put the food away in the cupboards, tuning out the sound of them beginning to bicker good-naturedly over baby names. 

After dinner that night, Kit went up to his room and sat down at his desk.

The writing paper Tessa had given him was right where he'd left it, and he picked up a pen, ready to write another letter. 

_Ty._

_I'm really starting to love it here in Devon. It feels like a proper home, or at least I think it does, I've never really had one before. I keep thinking about Jem and Tessa's new baby, about how I'm going to be a big brother. I wish I could ask you for tips, I thought you were really good with Dru. And Tavvy. I saw you put your headphones on him when Emma was telling us about the Livvy from the other world._

_I'd ask Julian for tips too, but he's not so approachable. I hope you don't miss your family too much, and you get to talk to them lots. I hope that by now you've made loads of friends. It wouldn't surprise me - because how can anyone not like you?  As much as I love it here, I wish there was someone here my own age to talk to. Preferably you, but really at this point I'd take anyone over Bartholomew the mouse. No offence Bart._

_~~Love~~ and miss you ~~always,~~_

_Kit_

Last time, writing to Ty had eased the pain of missing him, but his conversation with Tessa earlier had reminded him of a different Blackthorn - Dru. He had been so distracted by his feelings for Ty, that he hadn't realised how much he missed her as well. Before he could properly think through what he was doing, he was reaching for his phone on the desk. He got as far as opening his messages before realising he didn't have her number, didn't have any number programmed into this phone except Emma's. 

Would it be weird to text Emma asking for Dru's number? Before he had time to think it over, he typed out a quick message to Emma. 

_Hey, it's Kit (Herondale). Hope ur having a nice time on ur travel year. i was just wondering if u had Dru's number? thanks, kit_

He hit send, and immediately regretted it, and when he saw on the screen that Emma had read his message, he switched off his phone in a panic. Then he scolded himself for overreacting, and after a tense thirty seconds, switched it back on. He held his breath. His phone beeped, and a notification popped up telling him he had one new message. 

Emma had responded. 

 _Hey Kit!!! we r having a great time so far, though Jules regrets not bringing a travel pillow :) of course i have Dru's number i'll send it thru in the next message !_ _Hope Devon is lovely, give Jem and Tessa a huge hug from me and say hi to the baby bump!!! xoxoxoxo_

Two more messages beeped through afterwards, one contained Dru's number, and the other was a picture attachment. He tapped it and it opened to reveal a picture of Emma and Julian, both of them grinning at the camera. It looked warm and sunny where they were, and Emma had an ice cream in one hand. Kit smiled to himself, and tapped out a quick reply before programming Dru's number into his phone. 

He paused before writing a message, unsure what he should say to someone he had ignored for two months. In the end he went with:

_Hey, it's Kit. How's it going?_

He waited a few minutes, staring down at his phone, but Dru didn't even read the message. He was disappointed for the five minutes it took him to remember that it was very early morning in LA, and Dru was unlikely to read the message. He switched his phone off, and crawled into bed. 

When he woke in the morning there were three messages waiting for him. One was another picture attachment from Emma, of Julian asleep on a beach somewhere - Emma had put suncream on his back in a pattern that would create a rude image after several hours in the sun. The other two were from Dru. He opened them nervously. 

_CHRISTOPHER HERONDALE HOW DARE YOU DISAPPEAR WITHOUT A SINGLE WORD FOR TWO MONTHS AND THEN SEND A MESSAGE WITHOUT EVEN A SINGLE APOLOGY! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MAD I AM AT YOU_

And then, time stamped for five minutes later. 

_Tell me everything about Devon! Also, I've been practising my lock-picking skills, I think you would be proud. :)_

Kit grinned, and tapped out a reply, his heart filling with happiness. At least he didn't have to completely lose the Blackthorns. 

The Scholomance, 2012

Ty felt he was settling in well at the Scholomance. He loved his classes, and he adored studying in the library. He'd found a really interesting book on biodiversity that he had spent several long hours pursuing happily. Every other evening he climbed the tree in the library and wrote a letter to Kit. Some were longer than others, but all of them described what he had done that day, or an animal he had seen, a thought he had had about one of the Sherlock Holmes cases. He never talked about what he was really feeling, about the longing he felt for Kit that some days, was so painful and acute he was tempted to find a way to Devon right that second. He never talked about how his heart skipped in his chest whenever he wrote Kit's name down on paper, nor did he let himself think about why that might be. 

One evening, whilst sat up in the tree with his legs swinging down, Ty heard rustling from below him. He looked down, startled, and was relieved to see it was only Zach, looking up at him with a bemused expression. 

'What are you doing up there?' he called. Ty didn't want to tell him that he was writing letters to a friend who had helped him attempt to raise his sister from the dead and then left without saying goodbye, but he didn't like lying either, so he went with a half truth. 

'Writing,' he called down, hoping Zach wouldn't question the vagueness. Luckily, Zach was both easy-going and good at picking up on people's emotions, and, likely sensing Ty's unwillingness to elaborate, he shrugged it off. 

'We're watching a movie in the common room, if you want to join? I thought you might like it since it's a murder mystery.' 

Ty looked down at his notebook. He hadn't finished this letter, but then, he wasn't sure he had anything else to say tonight anyway. Something inside of him was no longer content with writing down recountings of his day and ignoring the bigger truths about his feelings, but he wasn't sure he was ready to face those yet either. So he shut the notebook, pocketed his pen and climbed down to where Zach was standing instead. 

'Yes. I'd like that very much,' he said. Zach grinned, and motioned to the exit. 

'C'mon then. Wouldn't want to miss any of it.' 

That night, Ty read over the letter he had written to Kit. 

_Kit._

_Alfred the bat nearly flew into Zach's face this morning. He screamed so loud I think it woke up the whole corridor. I laughed harder than I can remember laughing since - well since I was last with you. He laughed too, luckily. I'm not sure it's polite to laugh at someone else if they don't also find it funny._

_I like Zach a lot. He's always friendly and kind, and he seems really calm. I'm glad he's my roommate. He lets me talk to him about animals as well, which is good, because I can't talk to you about that anymore. I found a really interesting book, that I'm sure you would have a funny comment to make about._

_I hope your tutoring sessions are going well._

_Yours,_

_Ty._

After a moments hesitation, he crossed out the part where he had signed his name and wrote. 

_I think about you a lot. Now I'm friends with Zach, I realise that what I felt about you was probably more than friendship. That scares me a little, though I think I've known that for a while._

_I miss you._

_Yours,_

_Ty._

Then he shut the notebook and put it away, heart pounding. He rolled over to go to sleep but he couldn't stop thinking of what Kit had said the night they'd tried to raise Livvy. 

_I love you Ty. I love you._

 


	3. chapter 3

Devon, 2013

Logically, Kit knew that the baby was coming soon. Tessa's belly alone was a constant reminder of that fact, without Jem's frequent questions about how Tessa was feeling, whether she needed anything, whether she thought it would be today.

When she did go into labour though, Kit found himself woefully unprepared. Even Jem, who had become increasingly frazzled as the due date drew nearer, lost all semblance of calm as Tessa's contractions got closer and closer together.

By the time Catarina arrived to help deliver the baby, Kit excused himself from the house and went to sit outside. He took a paper and pen with him, intending to write a letter to Ty to help calm him down. Because even with a new arrival coming into their household, Kit still couldn't stop his thoughts from drifting back to Ty. He wanted nothing more than to ask him questions about what he remembered from Tavvy's birth, or what to expect from having a baby sibling. He wanted Ty to distract him from the gnawing worry in his stomach that he would suddenly be a burden on Jem and Tessa, that he would be a bad older brother figure, that he'd become an outsider in their little family.  
But there was no way he could ask Ty about any of this. He doubted he'd even be able to ask Ty what the time was if he saw him now.  
Instead, he sat with his back to the house, alone with an overwhelming urge to cry.  
He jumped at the sound of the back door opening, and quickly wiped away the few stray tears that had leaked out. He turned to see Catarina walking towards him, her expression calm.  
'Jem said you were out here,' she said when she reached him, sitting down beside him.  
'I didn't think I'd be of any help in the childbirth department.' Kit replied, pulling tufts of grass out from the ground beside him.  
'Mm. Better to leave that to people who know what they're doing. That part is over now though, so you should go inside and see your new baby sister,' Catarina said, nodding her head towards the house.  
Kit tried to swallow the lump in his throat to no avail. 'She isn't really my sister,' he protested weakly.  
'Surely by now you know there is more to family than blood, Christopher,' she replied. A small, distant part of Kit wondered how she could sound stern and kind at the same time.  
He shrugged half-hardheartedly. 'I hope so.'  
Catarina smiled as if she knew what he was feeling. From the ancient and understanding look in her eyes, it was entirely possible she did. She stood, brushing off grass from her trousers, and offered Kit her hand. He grasped it, and got to his feet, albeit less elegantly.  
'Come on in. They'll be wondering where you've got to.'

Inside, the atmosphere of the house was completely different to how it was when he'd escaped into the garden hours earlier. The palpable stress and tension of that morning had dissipated, replaced with tangible happiness and relief.  
Jem, who was incandescent with joy, beckoned them into the bedroom he and Tessa shared. She was sitting up in bed, positively glowing, holding a tiny bundle in her arms. Kit froze at the sight of her and the baby, unwilling to disturb the peace of the scene in front of him; Tessa and Jem with their heads bent over their baby, love and adoration clear in their faces.

Kit could feel Catarina standing patiently behind him where he blocked the doorway, yet still, Kit hesitated, uncertain of his place in what looked like a tableau of a perfect family. Then Catarina cleared her throat, and Tessa looked up at him, her face full of so much love, and she smiled, the same patient, maternal smile she always gave Kit.  
'Come and look at your new baby sister,' she said, and before Kit could register what he was doing, he was already across the room and clambering carefully onto the bed. He peered at the baby in Tessa's arms and felt his throat go tight with an overwhelming feeling of love.  
'She's beautiful,' he whispered. Jem hummed in agreement.  
'We're naming her Charlotte. Charlotte Cordeila,' Tessa said.  
'Charlotte,' Kit repeated, half under his breath. 'It's nice to meet you Charlotte.'  
'Would you like to hold her?' Tessa asked, and Kit nodded eagerly, completely disregarding the fact that he had never held a baby before in his life. Tessa transferred the baby into his arms, adjusting his hold slightly until she was nestled against him. Kit swore he could feel his heart stutter in his chest. Jem put his arm around Tessa, and the four of them sat there contentedly.  
That is, until the sound of a camera shutter clicking disturbed them. Catarina, who was standing in the doorway holding her phone, grimaced.  
'Forgot to turn off the sound. Sorry,' she glanced down at her phone. 'The photo was worth it though.'  
Tessa laughed. It was the kind of laugh that came as a result of utmost happiness, of a joy that couldn't be spoiled. Kit could see that feeling mirrored in Jem's face, and he suspected his own also.  
'My baby sister,' he whispered, more to himself than anyone else. Tessa put her arm around him and squeezed his shoulder. 'I think you're going to make a wonderful older brother,' she said, as if she knew exactly what Kit had been worried about and how to reassure him. Kit was too choked up to form a reply, but he leaned against Tessa carefully.  
'She definitely gets her hair from you Jem,' he said after a moment of silence. It was true, she had several tufts of thick black hair the same shade as her fathers. Jem smiled proudly; it was clear he already thought the world of his daughter and she already had him wrapped around her fingers. Kit could relate.  
'Do you mind if I hold her, before I leave?' Catarina asked, and Tessa nodded. Kit let her take the baby from him.  
'Does anyone want a cup of tea, or a glass of water?' he asked.  
'A cup of tea would be lovely Kit,' Jem said, smiling warmly at him.  
'Just a glass of water please, dear,' Tessa said. Catarina just shook her head, preoccupied with Charlotte.  
Kit eased himself off the bead and ventured down into the kitchen to put the kettle on. He leaned against the counter and fished his phone out of his pocket. He had messages from both Emma and Dru, both expressing excitement about the new baby Carstairs. Both contained copious amounts of exclamation marks. Kit replied to both of them, promising to keep them updated and to send them lots of pictures, before locking his phone to finish making the drinks.  
When he made it back to the bedroom, Jem was holding Charlotte and Catarina was gathering all her things together. Kit handed Tessa her water and put the cup of tea down on the bedside table.  
'Catarina?' he asked, as she bent down to pick up her bag. She straightened up and turned to face him.  
'Yes?' she asked.  
'Could you send me that photo you took? Please? I'll give you my number.'  
'I took more than one. I'll send you all of them,' she replied, pulling her phone out of her pocket. She handed it to him so he could put his number in, and he did, changing his contact name from Christopher to Kit as he did so.  
She smiled to herself when she saw that, didn't comment, her fingers already busy selecting the pictures. Moments later Kit felt his phone buzz in his pocket, but he resisted the urge to check it right that second.  
Not long after, Catarina was disappearing through a portal, Tessa was falling asleep, and Jem was laying Charlotte down in the cot set up in the corner of their bedroom.  
Kit said goodnight to the both of them, and went back to his own room. He opened the messages from Catarina. The first picture was just of Charlotte - fast asleep and peaceful. There were a few of just Tessa, Jem and Charlotte, but then he came to the one of him holding her. Tessa and Jem were leaning against each other; Tessa had her head against Jem's shoulder and his lips were pressed to the top of her head. Both of them were smiling at Kit, who was staring down at the baby in his arms with a look of complete awe on his face. They really did look like a family, Kit thought. His fingers trembled as he set it as his lock screen.  
Then he sat down at his desk to write to Ty.

_Dear Ty._  
_My baby sister was born today. I never in a million years thought I would get to write that sentence. I wasn't sure I would get to call her my baby sister, but Tessa and Jem did, so I think it's okay. Her name is Charlotte Cordelia, and I already adore her. Ty, the second I saw her I was so overwhelmed with love, I don't think I've ever loved anyone like that._  
_I ~~love~~ ~~loved~~ love you, of course. I've come to terms with that now. But it's a different kind of love. It hurts less, for a start, and I'm not ashamed to express it either. Loving you still hurts a lot, and I don't think I could even express it to Tessa or Jem.) _  
_I don't really know how to be a big brother, but I know already that I'd do anything to make her happy. Is that the love that you feel for your brothers and sisters? When I first moved to the LA institute I spent ages trying to figure you all out, how you all moved together seamlessly like gears in a machine. I didn't really understand it because I never experienced that love firsthand, but I get to do that now. . It doesn't completely ease the pain of missing you, but it does make it easier._  
_I'm going to go now, before I get bogged down in the sadness of missing you._  
_Love you always,_  
_Kit._

The Scholomance, 2013 

The phone signal in the Scholomance was pretty bad, given they were in the middle of nowhere, but occasionally he managed to receive and even send texts. Mostly he relied on fire messages though - they were generally more reliable. Usually, if his family had urgent or important news they used fire messages as well. This was how he found out about Jem and Tessa's new baby. A fire message appeared while he was curled up in bed reading a book one evening, whilst Zach scribbled his essay frantically at his desk. The writing was Emma's messy scrawl, the legibility of which had not been improved by her obvious excitement.   
It read  
_Hi Ty! Hope you're good and you're keeping warm and eating healthily at the scholomance! (Julian told me to write that). I'm sending this to let you know that Jem and Tessa have had their baby - a little girl called Charlotte. I've sent you pictures but I don't know if they've come through. I hope they did, she's so cute!!_  
 _Anyway, I know you're coming home soon, so we'll see you soon!_  
 _Lots and lots of love,_  
 _Emma (and Julian) XXXXXX_  
  
Ty smiled down at the letter in his hands. Emma wrote exactly as she spoke, and reading her letter was a bittersweet reminder of her presence, and by extension, the rest of his family. He was looking forward to going home next week. His phone beeped then, surprising him - he hadn't been expecting the photos to come through. He unlocked it hastily, eager to see the pictures. He would never admit it out loud, but he was hoping to see a certain blond haired boy in the pictures Emma had sent through.   
The first was just of a baby- albeit a cute one, but it was the second photo which was of more interest to him. It was a photo of Kit, holding the baby in his arms and gazing at it with a look of intense love. He seemed happy in the photo, happier than Ty had ever seen him. He closed his eyes and imagined Kit as an older brother. Then, unwittingly, he imagined Kit looking at him with the same expression of love and happiness as he wore in the photo. After Livvy died, Kit often wore an expression of concern or worry, though at the time Ty had barely noticed it, too numb with denial and grief.   
I could never have made him happy like that, he thought. To his surprise, he realised his cheeks were wet with tears. Unfortunately, Zach had noticed too.   
'You okay Ty?' he asked, concern clear in his voice. Ty nodded, alarmed that he'd let Zach see him crying.   
'Was it bad news? In the fire message?' he asked, rather than dropping the subject. Ty shook his head, taking a steadying breath. He looked across the room at Alfred for support. Alfred gazed back at him unflinchingly.   
'It was good news actually. Some friends have had a baby.' He showed Zach the picture of Charlotte on her own, and Zach cooed at it.   
'She's adorable! That doesn't explain why you're crying though.'   
'The letter was from Emma - it just reminded me that I really miss my family, that's all.' It wasn't entirely untrue, he did miss his family. He just missed Kit as well.   
'The boy in the second photo, is he your friend?' Zach asked, holding up Ty's phone. Ty nodded, silently praying that Zach wouldn't push it further.   
His prayers weren't answered.   
'Is he also the reason you're crying?'   
Ty sometimes forgot that Zach was very good at picking up on other people's feelings, and that he was also very observant. He'd probably noticed that Ty had only started crying after seeing the pictures of Kit. Part of Ty wanted to tell Zach that he was wrong, or that he didn't want to talk about it. But another part of Ty, the part that was still hurting, and badly wanted to talk about Kit all the time, stopped him. Instead, for the first time in a long time he decided to actually voice his feelings.   
'Yeah. He's also the reason I'm crying. We were really close last year, and then he left suddenly without ever saying goodbye. We haven't spoken since. I miss him a lot too. I -' Ty paused for a moment, struggling to find the words for how he felt about Kit. 'He was really important to me,' he said eventually.   
'Have you tried to get in contact with him since he left?' Zach said gently.  
Ty shook his head. 'I don't think he would like it if I did that' He took a deep breath to steady his voice, then explained, 'before he left he said that he wished he had never known me.'   
'But did he actually mean that?' Zach asked. Ty frowned. He'd never for a moment considered that Kit might not have meant it - it hadn't even occurred to him.   
'Why would people say things if they don't mean them?' he asked, folding and unfolding the note Emma had given him.   
'We don't always think before we speak when we're upset - that kind of thing sounds like something someone says in an argument, when they're not thinking logically.'   
'We were arguing. I think we were anyway. He was angry with me I think.'   
'Well, I'm sure he misses you too. Anyone would,' Zach said, his smile genuine and warm. Ty searched himself for any feelings of regret at opening up with him, and found none.   
'Thanks. For listening. It helped I think.' Ty said haltingly.   
'It's no problem.'   
'If you don't mind, I'm going to go to the library now.' Ty said, picking up his notebook from the desk as he stood up.   
Zach nodded. 'I'm going to try and finish my essay. And Ty?' he said, just as Ty reached the door.

He paused and looked over at him. 'Yeah?'  
'You can talk to me anytime. I won't mind if you cry either,' Zach said.   
'I know. Thanks.' Ty replied, before slipping out the room.   
He didn't pass anybody in the halls, which was a relief since he didn't want anyone to see his tear stained cheeks.   
The library was deserted too, and he scaled the tree quickly and efficiently until he reached his usual branch. His mind was reeling. Talking to Zach had stirred up all the feelings he'd been trying his hardest to ignore for over a year.   
'I'm sure he misses you. I would. Anyone would,' Zach had said. It reminded Ty of a similar conversation with Kit, in the infirmary.  
'Your whole family would miss you. And I would miss you.'   
When Zach said he would miss him, Ty felt only a comforting feeling of warmth - a feeling he was familiar with after having been friends with Zach for months now. But when Kit had said he would miss him his stomach had flip-flopped and his pulse had sped up. He'd instantly been hyper-aware of how close he was sitting to Kit, how hot his cheeks felt, how dry his mouth had gone. None of that had happened with Zach.   
For months, clues like these had felt like a problem he couldn't solve, or at the very least, a problem he didn't want to solve. As his friendship with Zach developed he kept comparing his feelings for Zach to his feelings for Kit, and they weren't adding up. Now, after finally talking about Kit out loud, he couldn't deny it any longer, it was like a neon sign flashing in his head.   
His heart beating fast, he took out his pen and began to write.   
_Dear Kit._  
 _Emma told me about the new baby. She sent me photos of you holding her. You looked so happy. I'm truly glad you're happy with them. But at the same time I wanted to be the one to make you happy like that. I'm sorry I never got to do that when we were friends._  
 _I'm going back home soon. It will be weird there without Livvy. Or you._  
 _Do you remember what you said to me in the infirmary in the London institute? You said 'Your whole family miss you. And I would miss you.' I know my family misses me. But do you miss me, like you said you would, or did I ruin that irreparably? I miss you. I've said that in every letter I've ever written to you._  
 _In all the Sherlock Holmes novels, Watson is supposed to help Sherlock solve mysteries. But when you left, you created a mystery, and you weren't around to help me solve it. It took me a really long time, Watson, but I think I've solved it._  
 _The reason I miss you so much, think about you all the time, and feel so lost without you isn't just because you were my closest friend. It's because I love you. Present tense. I didn't understand my feelings a year ago because my grief for Livvy was all I could feel. I'm only just beginning to understand now._  
 _I know you told me that you loved me. I don't know whether it's still true._  
 _I wish I could see you now. You're still the only person I want to talk to. If I was brave enough, I'd tell you this._  
 _I love you, I love you, I love you._  
 _Yours,_  
 _Ty_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to update sooner but life got in the way - i hope you enjoy this, any feedback would be appreciated! find me on tumblr here: https://alinepenhallowss.tumblr.com/!


	4. chapter 4

LA institute, 2014

Julian hadn't seem much of Ty in the past two years, since he had been away on his travel year and Ty had been at the scholomance. It was hard for him to hold back the tears that rose instantly in the back of his throat when he saw his younger brother waiting for him as he stepped through the portal. He was taller, nearly as tall as Julian now, and his hair had been cut into a style that made him look far older than he was. His bone structure was that of a young adult, rather than a young teen, or the round face of a child he once was. Even his centurion uniform made him seem almost frighteningly grown-up, almost untouchable. Then his face broke into a smile, the pure, unburdened smile that made Julian's heart warm with happiness, and he held out his arms for a hug, and then he was pulling his brother close, practically crushing him in his arms. He could hear Tavvy calling his name as well, the volume of his voice getting louder as he got closer, and then a small figure collided with his leg and latched around it. He let go of Ty and swung his youngest brother into his arms, letting himself be swept up in the happy chaos of his family.

That evening, after everyone had finished dinner and Julian was doing the washing up, Ty walked up beside him noiselessly. Julian smiled at him, but didn't say anything. He could tell from the look on his brother's face that he was trying to work out the right words to say, and it was best not to interrupt when he was doing this.

'Do you remember when you left, you asked if there was anything else I wanted to talk about?' he said eventually.

Julian nodded. 'I do.'

'There wasn't anything else I wanted to talk about then, but I think I'm ready to talk now,' he said, his fingers twisting nervously.

'Of course Ty.' Julian dried his hands on the nearest dish towel before turning towards his not-so-little-anymore brother.

'Can we talk in the car please?' Julian was a bit taken aback by the suggestion but he agreed, and found himself following Ty to the family car.

Once they were inside Ty took a deep breath and began fiddling with a piece of ribbon from his pocket. 'I miss Kit,' he said, after several long minutes of silence. 'I made other friends at the Scholomance, but I never felt the same way about them as I did him. I like them, but if they left I wouldn't be nearly as devastated as I was when Kit left.'

Julian struggled to find the right words to say to his brother, unsure whether he should comfort him or encourage him. 'I see,' he managed, and then immediately regretted how stiff and uncomfortable he sounded. Ty didn't seem to notice, he was too focused on winding the bit of ribbon in his hands round his slim fingers. 'It took me a long time to understand it, but I think I loved- that I love him' he corrected himself.

Julian swallowed. He knew Kit had left without saying goodbye, but to say goodbye and leave his brother heartbroken? He couldn't forgive that. Ty must have been able to sense his anger though, because he shook his head. 'Don't, Julian. It isn't his fault. He told me he loved me and I ignored him, I wasn't ready to face my feelings, let alone understand them. I would have liked to say goodbye, and I've missed him so much this past year but I needed this change, and I imagine he needed to be apart from me too.' Ty's voice was so serious, and Julian was stunned into silence at how mature his brother sounded. He was only a year older and yet he seemed to have grown up so much. His expression was open and vulnerable though, a startling reminder of the innocent boy he had been 6 years ago. Julian's chest ached badly.'I think that's a good way of looking at it Ty. I'm so incredibly proud of you.'

Ty blinked. 'You're not angry I didn't tell you earlier?' he asked, uncertainty clear in his voice.

'No, I'm just glad you trusted me enough to tell me now,' Julian replied, turning fully in his seat to face Ty, gently taking his chin in his hands. 'Remember I love you, and I will always love you, regardless of anything else.'

Ty nodded, his eyes shining with tears, and replied, 'I love you too.'

Julian let go and sat back. 'Do you want to see him? Because we can make that happen.'

Ty thought about it. 'Maybe. I would like to see him, but I'm not sure I'm ready. Or if he wants to see me.'

'You know, it's difficult to tell if you're ready for something if you don't try it. And you definitely won't know what he wants unless you try and reach out to him and get in contact. Although you don't have to if you really don't feel ready,' Julian replied.

Ty nodded thoughtfully. 'Maybe I'll send him a fire message,' he said thoughtfully. 'Or something by post.'

Julian nodded encouragingly. 'Good idea.' Ty smiled again, and Julian felt his heart lift, and he couldn't stop himself smiling back as he reached over to ruffle his brothers hair. 'Shall we go back inside?' he asked, and Ty nodded.

\---

That night, Ty sat at his desk, staring at the frustratingly blank piece of paper in front of him. Talking to Julian had made him feel better, and he had resolved to send a letter to Kit. But that was as far as he had got, because as it turned out, writing a letter with the intent to send it was a lot harder than writing a letter nobody was meant to see. Three times he set his pen to paper, only to find his mind blank of any words to say. 

He'd spent the whole year filling a notebook with pages and pages of things to say to Kit, but now he had nothing. He took a deep breath and thought about everything he'd wanted to say to Kit since he left. With his heart in his mouth, he started writing. 

_~~Dear Kit.~~ ~~To Kit~~_

_Kit,_

_I hope you don't mind me writing to you all of a sudden. I've missed you a lot. I'm sorry about what I did last year. I was scared and grieving and I desperately needed a friend but I never stopped to think about what you might need. I don't blame you for leaving, although I wish you had said goodbye. I know Dru is furious that you left without saying anything, but I'm sure she's told you that. I know you two keep in contact. I hope that you have found happiness and peace with Jem and Tessa, just as I found at the scholomance. Sometimes at night, I wonder whether you meant what you said, down by the lake - when you told me you loved me. I wonder whether it is still true. Other times I wonder whether you meant what you said when you told me you wished you'd never known me. I wouldn't blame you if it was true. Or if you still mean it._

_I think I've changed a lot in the last year. I wonder whether you would like to know me again. I'd like it if you would, because I realised in the past year that I love you too._

_I love you, I love you, I love you._

_Yours, Tiberius Blackthorn_

When he was finished, he stared down at the page. It was frightening, having his feelings laid bare, in black and white in front of him. He was half tempted to rip it up and forget it ever happened. Before he could do anything though, there was a knock at his door. 

'It's open,' he called, half expecting Julian. To his surprise though, it was Helen who poked her head round the door. 

'Can I come in?' she asked. Ty nodded. He was about to cover up the letter he had written before he stopped himself. He had spent the last year ignoring and hiding his feelings, and it hadn't helped him at all. Talking to both Zach and Julian had helped though. And Helen was married, so Ty figured she would know a lot about love. Helen had come over to sit on his bed, and slanted a sideways glance at her. 

'It's nice to have you back,' she said softly. 

'It's nice to be back,' Ty replied. Then, before he could chicken out, he blurted, 'Can you help me with something? Please?' 

Helen nodded eagerly. 'Of course. What is it you need?' 

'I want to send this letter to Kit. We haven't spoken in a year, but I need to tell him this. I don't know if I've said everything right though. Will you read it?' Helen hesitated, surprise evident on her face, and Ty was certain she would say no, but then she nodded again, holding out her hand for the letter Ty was holding. He gave it to her, and she scanned the page quickly, her lips forming the shapes of the words she was reading. Ty waited anxiously, his fingers fluttering with nerves. 

'I think this is good, Ty. You write well,' she said. 

'Should I send it to him? We haven't spoken in a year, surely it will be strange to confess my love for him in a letter without any warning?' 

Helen considered this. 'Perhaps. But then, he doesn't have to respond if he really finds it strange. Besides, I think he really cared for you. I'm sure he still does.' 

Ty shrugged, still not entirely convinced. 

'You know, Aline used to write me love letters.' Helen said after a moment of silence. 

'She did?' Ty asked. He hadn't known this, but he could imagine Aline writing letters containing bold declarations of love. 

'Yes. I loved that she did that. I'm sure Kit would love it too. Especially if he felt the same way. 

'Why did you love the letters so much?' Ty asked curiously. 

'They were typical of Aline. Brave and bold. Full of nerve. She taught me that you have to be brave in love sometimes Ty.' Helen leaned forward and took his hands, squeezing them gently. 'Be brave,' she said. Ty squeezed her hands back. 

'I'll be brave,' he said. Helen beamed, and kissed his forehead.  'I want to send it by post though, and I don't know his address,' he said. 

'Emma has it. And I have postage stamps left over from when I sent stuff to Emma and Julian,' Helen said, a note of excitement in her voice. Ty felt a new courage blooming within him. 

'Can we send it tonight?' he asked, 'before I lose my nerve?' Helen nodded, standing up. 

Everything happened so fast after that, before he knew it he was staring down at the letter with an address on the front and a stamp in the corner. He hesitated only for a moment before posting it, knowing that it was the most honest he'd been with himself, and Kit, for a long time. Helen hugged him once he'd done it, and kissed him on the forehead again. Ty let himself relax, knowing that even if nothing came of this, he'd been honest with his family. 

Devon, a few weeks later. 

'Kit, there's a letter for you,' Tessa said one morning, as he came into the kitchen in search of breakfast. Jem was upstairs changing Charlotte, a job that Kit didn't envy in the slightest. He frowned at the letter sitting on the table. The handwriting on the front of it looked familiar, though he couldn't say where from. He picked it up and turned it over in his hands, working his fingers under the envelope flap. Inside was a thin piece of paper, covered in the same writing on the envelope. All at once, Kit realised why the writing seemed familiar. 

A letter from Ty, after so many months of silence, seemed impossible to believe, and yet here he was, holding it in his hands. He didn't want to read it in front of Tessa, and he didn't want to run into Jem upstairs, so he turned on his heel and ran out the backdoor. He didn't stop running until he was a safe distance from the house. He sat down under a large tree, and opened the letter with trembling fingers. 

He scanned the page, his eyes catching on certain words and skimming over others. When he got to the bottom of the page, he felt his heart stop, then start beating again twice as fast. 

_I love you, I love you, I love you._

He read back over the letter again, then twice more, to allow the words to fully sink in. Ty loved him. Had loved him all along. He felt his breath coming in short pants that were halfway between sobs and laughter. 

He sat there for a long time, trying to quell the storm of emotions roiling inside of him. Then he stood up shakily and made his way back to the house. Jem and Tessa were waiting for him, though evidently they weren't going to ask him any questions. Even Charlotte seemed to be watching him expectantly. 

'It's from Ty. The letter,' he explained. His voice sounded like it was coming from a long way away. He saw Tessa and Jem exchange a glance, but he barely registered their expressions. Every instinct in his body was screaming at him to respond to Ty. 

'I have to see him,' he said, his voice choked.

Jem appeared to be stunned. 'Now?' he asked. Tessa was already standing up. 

'We could all go,' she said firmly. 'It will be nice to see Emma and all the Blackthorns. I'll make a portal.' Something in her expression must have stopped Jem from asking any questions, because he just glanced at Kit then nodded in agreement. 

'It's always nice to see Emma, and they can meet Charlotte,' he said, swallowing the last of his tea. 

Kit couldn't quite believe this was happening so fast. His mind felt sluggish, like he had just woken up from a dream and been thrown into real life. Except usually, seeing Ty only happened in his dreams. 

'Are you bringing the letters love?' Tessa said to him, and Kit came to his senses. 

'Yes. Good idea, Yes.' he ran up the stairs two at a time, and frantically grabbed at the letters from the desk drawer he kept them in. When he came back downstairs, Tessa, Jem and Charlotte were all waiting for him. 

'Ready?' Tessa asked. 

'As I'll ever be,' Kit replied, and she grinned at him. She opened a portal, which Jem stepped through holding Charlotte. Then she beckoned Kit over. When he got to her, she clasped his hand in her own and stepped through the portal with him. 

They were spat out in the entryway of the Los Angeles institute. The first thing Kit saw as he steadied himself was a very small Julian Blackthorn. For a second, he wondered why Julian had been shrunk, but then a normal sized Julian came through the doors of the kitchen, and Kit realised he was looking at Tavvy. Julian opened his mouth to say something, but he was interrupted by Emma, who shot past him and ran towards Jem. 

'Jem!' she squealed excitedly, about to throw her arms around him but stopping short when she saw he was holding Charlotte. 'ohmygod is that her? She's adorable! It's so nice to see you!' Emma said. Jem smiled and said something in return, but Kit couldn't hear him, because Ty had just walked into the room. 

Kit barely had time to register how Ty had grown taller, handsomer, older, because someone else hurtled into him, throwing her arms around him. It took him a long second to realise it was Dru, and then he was hugging her back. She was chattering at him, a hundred miles a minute, and Kit grinned. Then she stepped back to make room for Ty, who had made his way across the entry hall to stand in front of Kit. 

Kit felt very small all of a sudden. Partly because Ty was insanely, unfairly tall now. But also because he'd just portalled into the entryway of Ty's home with absolutely no plan, and only now was he painfully aware of that fact. 

'Hi,' he said, voice small. 

'Hi,' Ty said. Silence reigned. Kit wanted to die. 

'I just made pancakes, why don't we all go in and have some whilst Kit and Ty catch up?' Julian said calmly. Kit silently thanked Julian as everyone filed out of the entry way, leaving Kit and Ty alone. 

'I got your letter.' Kit said, once everyone had left. Ty's breath hitched audibly. 

'What did you think?' Ty asked. He seemed to be choosing his words carefully. 

Kit opened his mouth, then closed it again. He couldn't find the right words to say. Jem would tell him to be honest though, and now, standing in front of Ty holding the letters he'd written for a year, honesty was the only thing he had left to rely on. He could never lie to Ty anyway. 

'I meant it. What I said a year ago, about loving you. And my feelings haven't changed. If anything I love you more. And I'm sorry, about what I said before the battle. I don't regret knowing you, not even a little bit.' Kit was breathing fast, like he'd just been sprinting. 

Ty's hands were fluttering by his sides. 'What are you holding?' he asked, his voice shaking. 

'Letters. I wrote to you, Ty. I never sent them because I was too scared, but you can read them now, if you want.' He held the letters out, his hands trembling, but Ty didn't take them. He was staring at Kit, his eyes wide. 'You wrote letters too?' he asked. 

'Too?' Kit echoed.

'I wrote you letters. Every week, if not more. They're all upstairs.' 

Kit felt like he had been pushed off the edge of a cliff without warning. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. 

'Can I read them?' he asked, at the same time Ty said, 'Do you want to read them?'

Kit nodded, and Ty grabbed his hand. His hands were warm and soft, his fingers as long and elegant as Kit remembered. Then Ty was pulling him out of the room, up the stairs and into his bedroom. He let go of Kit's hand then, leaving him with the distinct feeling that he'd been unmoored. He was a little embarrassed by how badly he wanted Ty to take his hand again. Instead, he found a notebook being pushed into his hand, and he glanced down at it. He offered the letters he had written to Ty again, and he took them this time. 

Kit felt a little dazed as he sat down on the bed, opening the first page. They sat there for hours, each reading the letters they'd written each other. Kit found himself crying at several points, but he wasn't embarrassed. The shame and humiliation he'd felt when he first confessed his love to Ty had disappeared. 

'What do we do now?' Ty asked. His eyes were bright with tears too, and Kit reached out to wipe one away without thinking. 

'Live happily ever after I guess,' Kit joked, to alleviate the tension. The truth was, he had no idea what they did now, but he had a good idea of what he'd like to do. 

Luckily, Ty had similar ideas, because he shifted closer to Kit, close enough that Kit could count every one of his thick eyelashes. 'Can I kiss you?' Ty asked, and Kit abandoned all thoughts of counting eyelashes. He forgot how to speak, and had to settle for nodding instead. 

Ty cupped his cheek with his hand, and closed his eyes, leaning in to Kit and closing the gap between them. Their lips touched softly, and stayed there for one, two, three, blessed seconds before Ty pulled away, smiling widely. 

Kit's heart stuttered in his chest at the sight of him grinning, and then he was moving forward into Ty's arms, and the two of them hugged tightly. 

'Ty?' he said. Ty hummed, his fingers tracing meaningless patterns on Kit's back. 

'I love you,' he said. 'I love you, I love you, I love you.' 

Ty kissed him again, and Kit let go of all the pain and regret he'd held onto so tightly for the past year. He could finally be truly happy. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm done!!! I hope you enjoyed it & thank you so much for reading :) xx

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed, find me on tumblr @alinepenhallowss & please let me know what you thought ! <3


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